Starting a blog is never hard. At least not for me. But maintaining one, or finding that one thing I want to focus on, is extremely difficult. I get easily distracted. ADHD, perhaps. Or maybe it’s the fact that I want to focus on many things. Maybe it’s because my mind thinks all the things and never shuts down. Loud echoes of “you should do this” and “you should be like this” try to shout down the tiny voices that say “hey, this sounds fun” and “let’s see what this is like.”
I could say that my family never supported my dreams of being a writer. I could say that, but I’d be lying. No one, save a really hateful professor who obviously had her own issues, has said I suck as a writer. For the record, she wasn’t even my professor. She was someone who read my submission to a post-graduate program I thought I “should” apply to. The rejection didn’t hurt my feelings. I believe my exact words were, “DAAAAAMMMMNNNN, this woman is really miserable.” In the end, she saved me several thousands of dollars trying to earn a doctorate that I didn’t really need or want. Well, the idea of being called “doctor” was kind of appealing, but paying someone else to publish my novel seemed to be backward in the grand scheme of things.
That was years ago. Now, I’m almost fifty. That should be something I fear, but it’s not. It is, however, something that makes me aware I am running out of time to accomplish my goals. The pressure is on, folks. And I could say that my goal is to have a publishing house fall in love with my work and offer me the world in order to have the privilege of publishing it. I could say that, but it isn’t exactly true. Of course, making a living as a writer would certainly make some things easier. But ultimately, I just want to live my authentic life. And first, I have to complete a project to my idea of perfection before I can expect anyone to publish it.
That’s why blogs are fun. And appealing. It’s instant gratification. I hit publish and BOOM! My words hit the Internet for all the world to see. But I want to say something that matters. Beyond just entertaining. I want to push myself to stay on the path to being authentic. And, perhaps, I can encourage others to do the same. I’m on the backside of 40, but this isn’t about age. There is, after all, no guarantee I will make it to fifty. This is about making the journey count. And my journey starts today. Wish me luck.